In my dreams I'm dying all the time

This song was playing on the radio a couple of days ago and instantly it took me to Glasgow in year 2000. 
I was studying at the local art school GSA, living on a Red Road Court in a suburb called Balornock. On the 24th floor watching the airplanes fly by when I woke up. The buildings used to be the highest in Europe, but in mid-2000´s they were demolished.
It was a whole different life back then. I was dating an ex-librarian, wanna be musician from Fancy & Spook, which is actually are doing quite ok now. In addition I was working as a dishwasher in a busy restaurant - tell me about hard and hot work! Eventually I had to return to Finland to finish my studies, the relationship didn't last but I still have a lot of fond memories of the city itself.
Back to the title of this post. Lately I've caught myself thinking about death. I have always had a great suspicion towards doctors, hospitals etc. which probably has something do with my mother being a nurse, who always said: "Just stop complaining and You'll be fine!")
My mother as a young nurse
But eventually I am going to end up with some lethal disease and as a heavy smoker it'll probably be cancer of some sort. Will I go and see the doctor and get some help? Or should one keep just going on as long as possible and then just kill herself? Is postponing the death / suffering in life worth of it all? Or should one just live as full life as possible so that the unstoppable death won't be so irritating? The only thing I know is that when lying in my death bed I don't want to be the one saying: "What a shitty life I had, thank God it has come to an end now."
David Shrigley ŒLaundry¹, 2006. Animaatio / animation, 2:40 min, Edition of 6 + 1AP.
Oh well, back to happy thoughts! Ever since a teacher at the Glasgow School of Art advised me to have a look of the work by, GSA graduate /  artist David Shrigley, I've been a HUGE fan of his! Next week, at the Turku Art Museum will open an exhibition of his animations and I am so going to be there! I only hope he is not there, 'cause I might be screaming, crying and praising him in a disturbing way. Anyways, I'm going stay in a Glasgow state of mind for a while now.

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